Good bye, our dearest Daddy

My dearest Dad passed away on 1^st December 07 …. after 2 weeks in the hospital.      Throughout his 2 weeks stay in the hospital, my dearest Dad wanted to go home very badly.  It pains us very much seeing him breathing so hard with the aid of an oxygen mask. But the doctors refused to release my dad as they considered it as “drowning” him.  They said most oxygen masks would not be able to last throughout his journey home.  Until today, I am very skeptical about what the doctors said.  I am sure that are other advanced medical devices that can help my Dad breath longer in an ambulance,  just that one has to carry the ventilator and oxygen tank along.  Anyway, it is no point bugging this issue now not that my dearest Dad is gone.  More importantly, we must continue to pray for his higher rebirth the next 49 days. I trust the Great Buddhas are with him and he will be free from any sufferings from now on.  I was with my dearest Dad even until his very last breath. Besides having pneumonia from 15 November 07 to 1^st Dec 07, my Dad developed complications during his 2^nd week in the hospital. The doctors found him bleeding in his upper gastrointestinal tract.  Also, his BP dropped and he had slight fever.  He was getting weaker and thinner due to the amount of blood loss. 

One evening, I recorded his oxygen level  and heart beat.  It reads oxygen 98, Bpm 88-01.  He was doing fine, but due to his age, fever and complications, he deteriorated in the last few days of his final journey.     It was very, very painful to watch my beloved Dad – from a very driven and very enthusiastic man reduced to such frailty, struggling with his breathing and reduced oxygen.  Although he was lying in the hospital bed for 2 weeks but his conscious mind was very strong.  He was very, very attached to the family, his loved ones and his varied personal interests.  I saw him tearing for a few days and on that morning before he left this world, he gripped both my Mummy’s palm and mine too.  I thought I have vast medical knowledge as I worked in one of the world’s top-class, leading and most reputable medical hospital.  But I was stuck in limbo when the doctors told us to be mentally prepared.  We have great faith that he will recovered as he had lots of fighting spirit throughout his life.  Be it on his family, love and personal interests.  All this while I thought pneumonia is easily treatable.  I did not know that my beloved Dad’s condition was so serious and fatal.  Part of the reason was my beloved Dad’s immune system was impaired due to his previous medical condition.  It is timely for me to express my strong love and respect to my dearest Dad in this blog.  My Dad enjoyed his cup of kopi O and Marlboro.  He loves singing, music, photography and had a knack of fixing every thing in the house.  We used to call him the “The Perfectionist Handy Man”.  By constantly learning, creating and giving, he lives an interesting and fulfilling life, oblivious of his advanced age and health condition.  

I also see another side of my beloved Dad from his lively creativity. He loves to deal with artistic creation, like folding very nice lanterns and origami (paper cuttings) during Chinese New Years. His gratitude and sense of responsibility toward his life, family and loves ones make clear where his values are. My dearest Dad is a man of few words. He endured many sleepless and breathless nights. Not only was he unable to sleep, but he could not even breath properly, esp. in the late evening…. but he had never ever complain a word to any of his children.  I felt bad when doctors said my dearest Dad was very very sick.  It never crosses my mind that he needs our very special attention, and care.  We were all so caught up in the rat race that we took our dearest Dad for granted.   My dearest Dad was cremated yesterday.  So many people whose lives he touched……. came to say thank you and good bye.   We know our lives won’t be the same without our dearest Daddy…. He was such a loving, and driven man.   He slogged for his children and his family.  Without our dearest Dad, we won’t be what we are today. My dearest Dad’s departure reinforces a deep understanding of the impermanence of life.  I read several Buddhas’s books on life is impermanence but I do not truly understand the Buddha’s teaching.  In fact the aim of the Buddha’s teachings is to free us from attachments and limited views so that we may become pure in mind and live happily and spontaneously.  In order for Buddha’s teachings to penetrate our lives and minds and, ultimately bring about a spiritual rejuvenescence, we need to adopt some Buddhist practices on a daily basis. Prior to adopting any Buddhist practice, one needs to be reminded of the fact that life is impermanence.  Having impermanence in mind helps us become free from worries and more appreciative of what we all have in common. We also realize that life is so fragile and impermanent, and then we can appreciate others’ help much more. Besides, we will realize at once that all those small fights were nonsense. Yup, life is so fragile.  A week ago (on 8^th November 07)  we had dinner @ Delifrance with my Mum and Dad.  Two weeks later - my Dad was gone.   I feel the void in me but as I slowly accept the Buddhas’s teachings that life is impermanence, I will slowly detach and let go.  It is hard but I should be happy for dearest Dad as he is in a much better place and in good hands of all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas.    Good bye, our dearest and greatest Daddy.  We love you forever and ever.   Rest in peace.